I wanted to start by continuing my post from yesterday... You see yesterday I gave in to my tiredness... I'm beginning to understand this experience... Now as I face it's conclusion... It has manifested it's self over the last few days with uncontrollable tears and a deep fear that I will somehow loose what I've learned here, once I leave this place...
Yesterday my body decided that since I have taken to ignoring it's need to cry, rest and process, none of which I am willing to do yet because that would mean my time here has ended and I just don't think I will know what to do with myself once that happens.... Well my body has decided to retaliate by manifesting my stress and emotional fears into the physical realm, a realm not easily ignored... I'm sick, mentally and physically exhausted, and completely emotional overwhelmed... But take heart I will not serenader, this experience is not over yet.... And now I'm beginning to understand that it will not end Saturday, it will go home with me, and continue to live and grow... Grow as I process all I have seen and come to know about the Lord, his world, and his message... The real struggle starts once I leave this place... Once I'm home, and have to begin to process what it is to truly live the life Christ has called me to in my own terms...
Last night I almost passed on an amazing experience, I've found myself bitter as of late, angry that I have to leave this place, when their is still five more weeks of work here yet to be done... I found myself sad that the amazing experiences and exchanges will continue long after I have left this place... Then I am astounded by how prideful and arrogant that idea is .... Of course this work should continue here once I have gone, of course I am sad to go and leave the work in someone else's hands, but they are capable hand, they are hands that love the lord with all their heart, and they are hands that will ensure Gods love and message continues. I now understand my job is to try and grasps that I am only a small part of this great experience and the true challenge God has set before me... Is to take the lessons, skills, and message I have learned down here and become a missionary in my own community, in my own home, and in my own heart... Because really God is calling each and everyone of us to live a missional life of service and love. Service and love for any and all who are in need, even if that need is not always know or acknowledged, whether it be across the globe or in our own backyards...
Anyways... Enough with the deep and emotional, I'm supposed to be telling you about what happened last night, after our day of work we went out to dinner, I'm not going to lie, I was a little exhausted and worn out from our day spent running around, I knew we had agreed to participate in the prayer service with the church next-door but... Honestly the idea didn't trill me... Don't get me wrong I knew it would be wonderful... As their services always are, but I also knew that it would be quite long... Like crazy long... Service in Peru generally are a minimum of two hours, generally more... And I knew how tired I was... And that my nose was running and my throat was sore and that I'd probably sneeze throughout the entire service, which I did, and each sneeze notified me more than the last because I felt that with every sneeze I distracted everyone more and more... But one Gods talents is humbling us... And oh how I was humbled... As we gathered with the 15 or so members gathered they prayed for their families, and health, and the future... But they also prayed for the sweet American girl who couldn't stop sneezing... The girl they said came down to worship with them despite illness... Illness really it's a head cold... A mild one at that... Yes it's annoying but really if my biggest problem is a little sneezing I think I'm in good shape.... They gathered around us when closing the service and prayed as a congregation for our safety and health and asked God to make us be successful in all our endeavors... talk about humbling... People who struggle everyday to just get by, people who rely entirely on God to provide...provide For their needs... Took the time during their prayer meeting when they could be praying about their own problems to pray for the Americans... Who came down to visit and do some minor construction... Really, humbling... Message received lord... Even when it could be easy to feel sorry for myself and indulge in self-pity, brought about through "illness", I am reminded that million, maybe even billions of people have less than me and most likely always will, and yet they still take time out to pray for us...
We gave the pastor's wife Graciela the supplies we bought for their bible school, and she was so moved by our generosity that she said that she would bring over a chocolate cake for dessert after our dinner... Their generosity is astounding even when it seems they have nothing to spare... They give graciously and happily, it real is remarkable...
As someone who loves closure, it seems all too perfect that today we went to Nvo Valentin, you see it was our first village, and it turns out it will be my last... At least my last for this years trip, I already know in my heart that I will find my way back to this place... One way or another I will wander the jungles of Peru once more... But that s for another blog, some other time... Lol. The symbolism between starting and ending in the same village is remarkable, it was like returning home once more, except this time I'm acutely aware that I enter this place as a different person, it's amazing but I'm already overwhelmed by how much I've grown and been changed by my experience over these last six weeks...
We came to Nvo Valentin today to delivery water purification buckets, they were ordered by the partner church from First Scotts Presbyterian in Charleston SC, but were not delivery to Iquitos till after the group had returned to the US... So the group from Chapin got to take them out today:) I have to admit it was fitting to have my last boat ride up the amazon be the one that gave me an hour and a have to wrestle with my emotions and feelings surrounding my leaving this place, and this experience behind me... It was a neat to see some of my favorite kids again, Fatima and Alex... At least behind me figuratively because I believe this experience will be at the forefront of everything I do from now on, or at least I hope it is...
Today I made the executive decision that once I've left this place, once I'm gone from the place that now begins to claim a part of my soul, that I will work through and share some of the deep things I've been working through this summer, with all of you... To share with you the spoils of the Labor of Love, I have toiled out this summer, so be on the look out for more blog posts after my physical departure on Saturday, I say physical because I know now, with out a doubt that, part of my heart will remain in Peru forever...
Location:Iquitos, Peru
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